Traveling? Those flights can be very boring… Why not spice it up a little…
1. THE SEAT KICKER METHOD
Kick the seat infront of you every 3 minutes. Be precise, and not too obvious. The person sitting infront will begin to detect to a pattern. If and when he or she turns round, pretend to be asleep… This will have the person sitting infront of you thinking that it’s all in their head. Let them settle, and start doing it again.
QUICK TIP: Try mixing the pattern around a little. Try 2 minues, 5 minutes, even 10 minutes.
WARNING: Be prepared for a fight, this is all part of the fun though.
2. THE (OCCASIONAL) CRAZY SCREAM STRATEGY
Okay, this one requires you to be very good at acting. You can’t laugh or smirk, or do anything that gives away the Crazy Scream Strategy you are implementing. So what does this involve?
You do a high pitched shriek every half an hour. After and before the shrieks, act completely normal. As I said before, don’t smirk. You’ll have everyone on the plane, including the people sitting next to you, looking in your direction… Confuse them by acting completely normal.
If anyone asks you what you’re doing or if you are ok, tell them you don’t know what they’re talking about.
ONE STEP FURTHER: Pretend to be asleep and do it. You’ll have people on the plane thinking it was the person sitting next to you.
3. THE WINDOW LOVER
Everyone loves to sit by the window right? What a luxury. Seeing all those great views. If you’re not sitting next to a window, here’s something you can do:
Target the closest window to you, now LEAN.
That’s right, for as long as you physically can, LEAN over towards the window. I mean STRAIN right over the person sitting next to you, just keep looking out that window. This will have people getting so annoyed, you’ll see their face burning up. They may even comment on your rudeness. Tell them sorry, and you didn’t realise…. But be sure to start doing it again after a while.
IF YOU ARE SITTING NEXT TO A WINDOW: Well… you can still do this. You’re window isnt good enough, you like the other one, way across the other isle. Now LEAN.
WARNING: Again, this may result in a punch up… so be careful who you lean over.
4. THE NONSENSE WHISPER ROUTINE
Personal space is important to everyone. On a plane that personal space is much more important. People don’t like being interupted, or spoken to, when there’s no reason, or no point. In fact it’s even more horrible on a plane. Introducing the Nonsense Whisper Routine…
Here’s what you do. Whisper something so pointless into the ear of the person sitting next to you, every 5 minutes or so… Here’s some ideas of what to whisper:
“I like Cats”
“I had a really nice orange just before I got on a plane”
“How old is your cousin?”
“Have you heard that new song by Justin Timberlake (then hum a part of it)”
The funny thing about this one is that you’ll get some people that crack really easy, and others that actually respond to you for a long while… and try to be as polite as possible.
IT’S GREAT WHEN: The person you’re doing the whisper routine to pretends to be asleep. Nudge them hard, and start whispering your nonsense again…
5. DRINK DROPPING
I see this more as a sport. It’s a simple concept. Take your drink and drop it. Every time… Have a walk up the isle with your drink… and do a strategic drink drop near a few passengers.
QUICK TIPS: Although you may aspire to be a hard core drink dropper, if you are thirsty, by all means take a sip of your drink before dropping it. Although this may be frowned upon by some of the more seasoned drink droppers, you have your thirst to think about. Especially on these long flights.
6. THE ANNOYING FILM & MUSIC FANATIC
You may not be a film and music fanatic, but for the duration of this flight, be one. Rather than a process or a routine, you need to approach this like it’s an art. Let me explain:
Watch the film, and laugh hysterically and funny parts, cry at sad parts, be absolutely terrified at scary parts and… you get the picture. You need to improvise, and work with the film. Whatever emotion you feel, magnify it by at least 1000.
Now with music, you need to get your ear phones in, and sing as loud as you can to the songs. Do a little dance. I know these plane seat belts restrict your moves, but do the best you can. Even if you don’t know the songs, just hum the tune loudly, picking out the words you do know.
People can’t really say much to you… the plane provides entertainment, so why can’t you enjoy it. What right have they got telling you not to enjoy it.
FURTHER STEPS: Try this with books too, get creative. There’s inflight magazines, your ipod and much more you can exploit.
7. THE SNUGGLER
The snuggler is an old one in the book. A classic. Fall to sleep on someones shoulder, and take up as much space as you possibly can… spread out. This is seriously annoying…
IF YOU DARE: Dribble on their shoulder…
8. THE EMOTIONAL WRECK/NERVOUS FLIER/PROPHET OF DOOM
Use scare tactics – shouting “we’re all going to die” & grabbing the hand of the person next to you. Watch people as they get absolutely terrified and hysterical.
Be sure to do your homework of airline statistics and quote them very loudly. This will cause quite a stir, use with caution.
9. THE TOILET SLEEPER
The thing is, on a plane, you get these tiny seats with no leg room, but even in the economy section of a plane, the toilets are BRILLIANT!
So much leg room, lots of space to stretch out and go to sleep. My advice, when you need a sleep go to the toilets… you’ll have the best sleep you’ve ever had on plane. Even better than those snobby 1st class fliers!
EXTRA TIP: If someone tries to get in the toilets, pretend to be a flight attendant, and tell them you’re cleaning up, and it may take a while.
10. GOOD TOILET TRIP TIMING SYSTEM
Time your trips to the toilet just right. Make sure it’s just after the person sitting by the isle nods off. It’s a game of patience, and you need to be observant… but if you time it just right, it can be very rewarding to see how annoyed they get.
11. NIGHT FLIGHT LIGHT FLASHER
Yeah, those night flights can be incredibly boring… especially for us pranksters. So what do we do while everyones asleep? Well, you need to equip yourself with a portable reading light. Except, you wont be reading… you’ll be shining it into peoples eyes as they are asleep.
Of course, if they wake, pretend your deeply reading.
12. BEAN EATER
Eat 2 cans of beans before you fly… Enough said.
We want your annoying flight methods! Comment on this post with your method, and we may just include it on the list.